~[borrowed hell]~

2005-06-22T16:43:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with you? Why do you keep treating me like this? Why do you keep pushing the blame to me? Why is everything my fault? I always tried to please you but you never seem to appreciate what I have done for you. You never understand my feelings. Stop being angry with me for minor things like not telling you that I'm online or I can't go out with you. I told you that my mum didn't let me go out and you're still angry with me when I turn down the offer. It's not my fault right? It's not as if I don't want to go out. It's just that my mum doesn't let me. Can't you understand that? And you keep on saying that I always want things my way. Since when I always want things my way?! It's YOU! YOU'RE the one who want things YOUR way. I'm so sick and tired of all this. Stop treating me like shit. Who are you to treat me like this huh? Friends don't treat each other this way. You always hurt my feelings. I can't stand it. Even though it's not my fault, I have to apologise. I WANT THIS SHIT TO END. I MEAN IT. If you're my friend, you'll never treat me like this. Think about it man...

2005-05-19T16:58:00.000+08:00

Today we had cross-country at MacRitchie Reservoir. It was ok. Ran with Nicole and Elyana. I kept tripping over the rocks and trees' roots. Luckily it only rained AFTER everyone has finished running.
Since we ended early, Deborah had no choice but to take bus or taxi home cause her mum was unable to fetch her. After much thinking, she decided to take taxi home and I had to help her flag a taxi. I had to miss 2 buses just for her sake. Poor me. Bad Deborah. It was damn difficult to get a taxi. After a long time, she finally managed to get a taxi. Unfortunately for me, I had to take the same bus as her. She talked damn loud in the bus. For god's sake, who wants to hear your stupid conversation. I was damn irritated by her.
Reached home at about 11am i guess. Cant remember. Slept till 2pm. I'm damn hungry now cause I onli ate A burger. Keyword: A.
Whee! It's raining now.
*sigh* That Japster so long never go online cause computer got virus.
I really hope we get shortlisted for Buzz At Canteen. Tomorrow, we'll get to know the results. I am going to be so damn disappointed and fustrated if we did not make it. We practiced so hard until me and the other Breakers got bruises all over our legs.
Life has been bad recently. Very bad. This week I've cried so many times. Oh wells...
Next Saturday, I'm going to China and I still havn't pack my stuffs. Well, at least I'm not the only one. Jaime and I planned to call each other while packing our stuffs so we can discuss what to bring and what not to bring. Mum bought me new clothes last Saturday for the trip. So happy! I think I'll be damn busy during the June hols.
I'm going to watch Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith next Monday. Can't wait. Heard it was superb and much darker than the previous episodes. Gosh, I think I'll be damn broke after that Monday. Anyone cares to donate me some money? =p

It's no point trying so hard when you get nothing in the end.

It's ironic but slashing somehow cures the pain.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2005-04-30T16:08:00.000+08:00

Oh man! The weather is freaking hot. I wish I have aircon. *sigh* Trying to do my homework now but I just can't concentrate. Not sure why. Maybe it's because of the weather! Basically, today is such a boring day. Nothing much to blog about. I wanna go out! Unfortunately, my mum wouldn't let me as exams are coming. Argh! Two more weeks. Can't wait for exams to be over. Wouldn't it be great if there's no such thing as exams? *sigh*
I still havn't buy Geraldine's birthday present yet and her birthday is like next Friday... I still need to buy Jannah's birthday present. Her birthday is just after Geraldine's. Mother's Day is coming up too... This month I need to buy so many things! By the time I spent money on presents, I wouldn't have enough money to splurge on for myself. It's always that case. I always don't have enough money to buy things for myself. Oh wells...
Currently listening to the song Collide by Howie Day. It's such a nice song. Ok, that was random.
It looks like Hanis and I are friends again. She has been talking to me ever since this week. I wonder what makes her become so friendly towards me... Hmmm... At first I was very shock when she first started to talk to me. I was like, "Er... Is she talking to me?!" Even Deborah and Elyana were shock. Elyana said we two (Hanis and I) were weird people. :/ Don't really understand what she means. However, Deborah says it's a good thing that Hanis has started to talk to me. Well, is it?

i don't think i would be able to love you like i used to...
it's just too difficult for me...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2005-04-24T18:32:00.000+08:00

Sick. Sick. Sickkk. I have been not feeling well since Thursday afternoon and today is the worst. Had high fever first thing in the morning. I won't be going to school tomorrow. *sigh* Staying at home for the whole day is going to be so boring.
By the way, Oleander got 1st for cheerleading and is the champion house! Whee!~ Finally after 10 years, ole managed to be the champion house and... 2/M is the champion class! Yay! To be frank, I didn't expect ole will get 1st for cheerleading.
Arini was being sooo "melebih" during her cheerleading. EEEEE!!! So exaggerating and sickening. Even my seniors say so! She makes me wanna puke. Before the cheerleading starts, she was like jumping up and down and kept punching her fist in the air. She was the only one doing that. SO EXTRA. I HATE ARINI. I hope she reads this.
Let's not talk about that bitch anymore.
After Sports Day, Nadia, Farrr and I went to Plaza Singapura and watched Infection. That movie doesn't make a lot of sense and it is kinda complicating.
Anyways, Meet the Parents session was yesterday. I can't believe Ms Thang said that I'm very quiet and reserved. Me?! Quiet and reserved?! RIGHT. Joke of the century.

This shit is bananas.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2005-04-10T21:15:00.000+08:00

Why? Why? Why?! Of all the people, WHY must it be her? Seriously, what's so great abt her? And excuse me, did you just say that she's PRETTY?! *rushes to the toilet and pukes* She is FUGLY. PLAIN FUGLY. Get it? I am not saying that I'm goddamn pretty but seriously just look at her carefully. And for god's sake! She's older than you! Yes! Older!!!! Get it? OLDERRR!!! I just don't understand what you see in her.
She is a big fat liar. She always thinks so highly of herself. She is sickenning. She is a bitch. And not to forget this: She always try to steal things from me. (not literally) So, of course I HATE HER! Don't you fucking get it?!
You also said that she respects her parents a lot. What? You think she's the only one who respects her parents? You think I don't respect my parents? If that's what you think, then screw you! You can jolly well live in a coconut shell.
And there you go, apologise again. I doubt you know what's the meaning of sorry. Sorry means you regret for what you've done and you will never do it again. Get that in your thick skull! Argh! Because of you, I have to go through a hell lot of fucking things. Why can't you just be a bit more tactful? No. Not a bit more. A LOT MORE.
You have hurt me too many times. I don't think there's a need to apologise. Well, just remember this: What goes around, comes around.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

YoooHooo! I'm BACK!!!

2005-04-06T17:44:00.000+08:00

Wow! It's been a long time since I blogged. Well, I've been very busy lately. So much to do, so lil' time. This year I'm trying not to slack but it's like sooooo difficult for me. It's like you keep saying later later but it never comes.
A lot of interesting stuffs have been happening in my life this year. Not only it has become more interesting than last year but also more complicating! I guess the complicating part of my life makes it interesting eh? And some people say I've changed. Well, sometimes people change when something happens to them right? Whatever it is, I'm sure I've change for the better.
I've been wanting to buy so many storybooks but am forced to wait till the money comes. Anyways, I just bought a new book today. I've been wanting it since March. The title: Snakes & Earrings. Trumpeted on its cover as "the prize-winning cult classic", this novel revolves around a teenage girl, Lui, who loves tattoos and body piercings. However, its painstaking, clinical descriptions of tongue-piercings and unconventional sex is not for the squeamish. Overall, I loveee the book. I'm planning to buy Memories of a Geisha and Out next.
I think I better study for my hmt test now. I really don't wish to fail again. It's so demoralizing to fail hmt- a subject once I loved.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-11-05T15:43:00.000+08:00

I am so bored.
I'm doing some research on some drama stuff. Tomorrow is the 1st meeting. We're going to Shaza's house. It's gonna be kinda scary cause I'm the only sec 1. oh wells...
I cleaned my room yesterday and the day before. Got rid of all the rubbish in my drawers but it didn't seem to make any difference at the end of the day.
Oh gawd, my eyes are so tired.
Just talked to Elyana on the phone. She's on her way to City Hall to meet her dad. And she reminded me of something which just made me wanna cry... =( i'm gonna miss my da jie. she is such a gd sister.
oh man... still need to write farewell letters to the sec 4 tennis seniors. we don't even know most of their names! And I doubt they know us. The farewell party is probably on 10th Dec at Bayshore Park, one of the sec 3 senior's condo. i don't even know how to get there. The theme is Sparkly Sixteen. So we're suppose to wear something sparkly like glittery hairclips or something.... well whatever it is, I hope I'm gonna enjoy myself there cause I have the feeling that I'm not....

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-11-02T20:50:00.000+08:00

hello. Today is such a tiring day. Had tennis training in the morning. Then Shu Yi, Mandy and I went to Orchard. We watched The Doll Master at Cineleisure. It was scary and bloody. Shu Yi was so freaked out that she kept on squeezing my arm. Poor me... After that, we just hang out at Taka and Wisma. And Mandy bought a toe ring! niceeee..... oh ya, i tried on this short plaited skirt & so called Polo tee... it was nice. Mandy said the skirt was too short then the salesgirl said it was a hipster and she pulled it down for me lower and it went toooooo low.... she pulled it too low with force. Then Shu Yi, Mandy and the salesgirl started laughing. It was so embarrassing!!!! Luckily I reached home before my mum did.
And yesterday went over to Hanis' house. We were supposed to do homework but we ended up playing and crapping instead. Her baby sister is soooo cute! And I totally forgot that Hanis has cats at home so when one of her cats jumped through the gate, i screamed and quickly climbed onto the sofa. Hanis was having a good time laughing at me. Whatever. We kept taking photos. Hanis' younger bro is good at posing man... haha. Afterwards, we went to Compass Point. Then we went our own separate ways.
oh ya, i get into drama! whee!~* happyhappyhappyyy...
gtg now. bye.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-10-25T14:54:00.000+08:00

OMG! There's a Farhana in SCGS!!! I can't believe it. She's also 13. She's born in July too. Her horoscope sign is Cancer too. She likes drama too. Ok this is so Freaky. I found out abt her when I was going through ppl's blogs and I stumble upon hers instead. I should have gone to SCGS then I can meet this mysterious Farhana and there'll be 2 Farhanas in SCGS who likes the same thing. kinda cool and kinda freaky. I really wanna meet this Farhana. I've gotta ask Carine abt her.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-10-20T21:44:00.000+08:00

hi! i'm back after a very long long time. whee!~* exams are over and i've gotten back my results. not satisfied with my hmt and maths results. sucks man...
today had mldds. had the audition for the drama thingy. hope i can get in. found out that kak hazimah is the "mother" of *flubber... shocking... after ml session went to tm with kak hazimah, elyana & atiqah. then elyana had the collect ice cream from her uncle who is the manager (or something like that) of Haagen Daz----> how do u spell it? cool man. after that quickly went home and reached home erm... late. very late. tried making excuses which was reasonable and luckily got lesser scolding.
i'm tiredtiredtired. listening to White Houses by Vanessa Carlton right now. have been listening to that song for nearly everyday.
hrm... maybe i should listen to chris' advice after all. if i listen, then i'm another step closerrr in completing my mission! hehe.
haiz... school's gonna close soon and i'm gonna miss them. but what to do? life's like that. nothing lasts eternally.
alright i think i better go now. mother's nagging... again... haiz...

*[sh]e's [lo[st ins]i[de*

wat is wrong wif me?

2004-08-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

got back my chinese paper todae. i passed. now dats wat i call a miracle. not too happy though. i realized sumting. i've doing badly for most of my recent tests even though i've put in a lot of effort. well, not dat a lot... quite a lot...ergh! wats the difference? both of them still haf the words "a lot" in it...ne waez, wen i come to think of it... i realized wats the point of working so damn hard wen in the end u'll neva get paid off by all ur hard work? isnt it a waste of time, energy, effort & blah blah blah...? mite as well dun study at all. maebe all this is a sign which saes i'm gonna be dead soon. ok heck i noe i'm tokin rubbish.
was a bit fustrated during science coz i din do pg 3 of the ws & i haf to erase my animation drawing of chester bennington on my science ws. ok ok i noe it's my stupid damn fault. y did i draw it on my ws in the 1st place wen i noe dat i haf to hand it in? dats very stupid of me.
after chinese went to cp wif syafiqah. accompanied her coz she needed to buy sumting for her senior. on the wae to cp, syafiqah was telling me all those disgusting stories. she noes a lot of stories. can be a story teller. hehe. i help her choose the gift for her senior. sum fridge magnet wif the spell on it from hallmark. it's kinda funny.
still wondering how did nsq n dat farhana noe abt dat person... hmm...
2moro got tennis training. i'm so not going to use dat staircase to bring down those tennis balls. still can remember wat happened on last tennis training. poor mandy has goosebumps all over her...
ok. tata. i'm off. wanna sleep.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-08-14T18:58:00.000+08:00

heya ppl! soz for not updating for such a looonngggg time. either bz or no mood to blog. life has been damn shitty lah.
yesterdae went to the darul ihsan orphanage for tennis cip. rachna was kinda disappointed coz the orphanage is for girls. haha. had fun dere. played games wif dem. i tawt we were supposed to do some cleaning but we didnt. *grins* dey were very friendly & sum of dem actually recognise me. coz wenever i go skool i'll meet sum of dem. it's kinda cool getting cip hours without doin ne work but play! :p den muz do reflections abt it. eeee i hate reflections. *scowls* muz hand it in to sara by monday. of all the daes monday! huh! y cant it be thursdae? okok i shall stop cimplaining.
todae nothin interesting happen. hey i nid some colours in my life ya noe... oh ya, received a call from my aunt. said dat my step great grandmother is in hospital. i think it's bcoz of her diabetes. shall pray for her.
mon got science practical. not sure wat to study. chinese test postponed to wed. so gonna fail it for sure. not my fault. it''s dat stupid zeng lao shi's fault. his teaching no good. i want han lao shi!!!
damn. mother nagging. gtg. cyaz!

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

LEAVE ME ALONE

2004-08-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

i noe dere's sumting wrong wif my blog. but it's not my fault. dere's sumting wrong wif my stupid computer n server. dammit lah.
saw that creature at cp todae. n it juz made my dae worse. heck care her lah... dun give a damn about her ne more.
and U. stop blaming me for evrything dat went wrong. stop controlling me. u tink u so gr8 ah? fuck off lah. LEAVE ME ALONE. i'm so fed up wif ppl telling me to be sumone else but me.
oh man... i'm juz so pissed off wif evryting in the world. ppl, if u dun wanna feel damn sorry or being snap at den dun irritate me.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

why r we so prooooo

2004-07-29T21:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was national track & field day thingy... cheered till i lost my voice but dammit todae my voice came back in the afternoon... everyone was like so high wen it started to rain heavily & we were drenched. woohoo!!! my shoes & bag were soaked man... & bcoz of dat, my sketch book which happened to be in my bag was damn soaked too... GREAT. now i hafta redo my art. hrmph! y oh y didnt i leave it in skool? haiz... though it was raining damn heavily, we still stayed out. during cheering, rachna & i were competing to see hu wud lost her voice 1st. den she made me luff while i was drinking water & in the end i choked... but i survived! wheeee!~* haha lame. after the "rescue" part, my voice was like totally hoarse. so i won! wheeee!~* madness. oh yes, jia yuan & divya are soooo proooooo!!! they were damn fast & overtook many competitors. coolio. 1M is damn damn damn proud of u, jia yuan!!! hah! ashley from sji was 1 of the few last runners in 1 of the competitions. 2 bad... andddd, i was soooooo close to ah zhen so many times but i didnt have the guts to sae hi to her. dammit lah! oh man, st nick's was double champs... TSK. speaking of st nick's, i didnt get to meet cheok, hilda & geraldine. cheok & i had aredy planned to meet b4 the thing starts but i reached quite late so in the end didnt get to meet them lor... all bcoz of the stupid Long John Silver's... hafta wait fer my food fer so long... ne waez, we managed to take neoprints. yay! but PS neoprint machine no gd one... heck care lah! reached home about... 8:30 pm? damn tired... luckily no hw lor...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

cleared off... but still feeling a bit guilty

2004-07-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

ok... so now i have cleared things off wif her... & evrything is back to normal. now i have 1 less thing to worry about but... i still cant get the guiltiness out off me :( ... haiz...dat gal is still avoiding me... she thinks dat i hate her... wat the hell lah... i dun hate her but i hafta admit dat i'm pissed off wif her. dere's a difference u noe... i realize dat i nid to speak up for myself. i nid to step up & be strong. i hafta stop her from taking advantage of me. but i juz dunno how to do it. i dunwan to start a fight. haiz... i'm so sick & tired of all this shitty stuffs... i dun really want to sit & think about this ne more. i haf other better things to worry about. haiz... i'm juz so pissed off wif life. i realized dat dese few daez i've been in a bad mood & alwaez pissed off wif things. argh! it's so sucky man... shit lah! tomoro got eng oral. i hate oral. i dun really mind the reading part but i really hate the picture discussion. i haf to do well... i haf to do well... i haf to do well... next year i'll be taking the entrance test. i really gotta study very very very hard & stop botheing about things which are really shitty... gtg. nid to study. fuck all.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

Guilty

2004-07-25T11:49:00.000+08:00

GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. dis incident will leave a scar on me... i hate myself bcoz of dis. I really, really do hate myself. i knew dat she's still angry wif us... or rather ME. i'm gonna change myself. i'm not gonna be me anymore. no more farhana. i hate farhana. i'm gonna be sum1 else. sum1 more sensible & matured. i have to try to forget farhana. though she said dat she had forgiven us, i've got a feeling dat deep down inside she's still angry. the email proves it all. she said we're still friends but i'm not sure if she meant it. maybe... maybe not... hu noes? i wish i cud change back time. haiz...wats the use of wishing? wishes neva cum true... she wants our friendship to start anew without the old farhana but i've got a feeling it's going to end...but if it doesnt end, it's not gonna be the same again... thanks to ME. how m i suppose to face her for the next days of my life? if she accepts the new me, wat about the others? can dey accept it too? i cant handle dis confusion... haiz... i dun feel like talking bout it ne more... it onli makes me feel worse. it's so depressing. maybe today will be my last day of being the old farhana... the new farhana awaits...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

rhd

2004-07-21T20:34:00.000+08:00

2dae racial harmony day! ~wheee! wore elyana's cheongsam & she wore my kebaya. the cheongsam is quite tight around my hips... gosh! dun tell me i have big hips... nicole wore this white chinese costume... she looks pure & sexayyy! haha. eastina & rachna wore sari. rachna looks damn beautiful... like sum bollywood actress. i didnt wear my charles & keith heels so i wasnt dat pleased... haha lame. runi wore a purple punjabi... as i had expected, ah zhen didnt wear ne ethnic costume... dat stupid fucking irritating bitchy asshole wore sumting which supposed to be a... kebaya? she purposely wore it revealingly so that we can see her black bra... please lah! no nid to attract attention in a disgusting wae rite? she sux 2 the core. had d&t test 1st period. i tawt i'd fail but i didnt. yay! got 13/20... not bad... ne waes d&t sux. totally. 2 be frank the rhd concert was quite lame ah... after skool samantha wanted to take photos wif the tennis ppl. it's quite embarrassing to meet my tennis seniors in the cheongsam... heck care lah... b4 csp took photo wif jannah, adlin, fad & elle near the ml room there where got lots of grasses. we didnt noe there were ants & i actually lie on the grass as part of the pose. dammit. soon there were ants crawling & biting us. we freaked out & kept running around & jumping up & down to get rid of the ants. so painful k... jannah & i were like scratching all over ourselves durin csp. & i actually found an ant in my hair. gross... dozed off awhile at the later part of the lesson. den went for mldds. took zillions of photos. mostly wacky ones. supposed to go to CP to buy deborah's bdae prezzie after mldds but den too tired...yea, dats about it. 2moro got tennis training. gonna be tortured again...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

pissed off & depressed

2004-07-20T21:29:00.000+08:00

i hate life. seriously. i cant take it ne more. i'm so pissed & depressed wif evrything. wif myself. wif my bez fren. wif my parents. wif dat stupid fucking irritating bitchy asshole. evrything! wat did i do to deserve all this shitty stuff? fuck lah... dat stupid fucking irritating bitchy asshole is spreading rumours bout me. u think u soooo great n perfect isit? puh-leeeaase lah! dun make me puke. enuff of her. I HATE HER! & those 2 damn irritating organisms are making my life hell as well. why is evry step dat i take is another mistake to them? cant u see dat u're smothering me? if u 2 freaking organisms hate me so badly den y in the 1st place did u brought me here? i noe dat u 2 brought me to this idiotic world by mistake. u dun hafta hint it man... fuck off lah... & dat bloody girl still havnt return my money yet... i'm sooo damn broke now k... dun u understand dat? wat? m i speakin greek or sum other language from space? u dun hafta pay hp bills k but i do! & it costs me over 50 bucks. & why do u alwaez hafta take advantage of me? i'm sick of it u noe! & stop destroying my things u asshole. & i awfully hate myself. i'm damn thin dat coach saes dat i'm too weak to serve the ball. freak lah. please lah. not evry1 is strong k... go to ur beloved kelly. haiz... & now my grandfather is sooo ill... no matter wat, pls dun go... pls...gosh i juz realized dat i'm crying... wadeva lah... hu cares ne wae? i realized dat i'm stupid. i cant even do a freaking composition. i'm such a loser...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

bleah!

2004-07-19T19:19:00.000+08:00

shit lah... 2dae lit test damn difficult. haiz... sure fail one... i suppose my maths test oso will fail one... y oh y am i so stupid? if i kip failing my tests, surely no hope of goin to IP. hate my life. totally. ok change subject coz i dun wanna feel sad. 2dae after skool went to CP wif hanis coz no chinese. dat zeng lao shi (toot headed guy) neva cum. long time neva go there wif her. as usual we bought ice-cream & walked round & round CP. i've aredy decided wat bdae prezzie to buy for deborah & arthi. if onli dat girl can return my $ by dis week den can buy aredy...haiz. 2dae elle & deborah kept making me luff. 1st thing in the morning aredy elle made me luff like maaaddd until elle cried & the both of us were rolling on the floor... den during english, lit & maths deborah made me luff... i think i influenced her aredy coz she's aredy startin to be dirty-minded. haha. gosh, i still nid to do my karangan. i juz hate dis type of argumentative (dunno wats it called in malay) karangan. y muz we learn dis type of stupid freaking composition? 2moro hanis got competition. gd luck hanis! make us proud k? oh man... 2moro got tennis trainin... sickening... hope it rains heavily from 2.15pm to 5.30pm. the seniors are gonna torture us again. if ne of my tennis seniors read dis i'm gonna be so dead. dats it for now. nid to continue wif my damn idiotic sickening freaking bloody hw...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

worst crap dae ever

2004-07-16T19:24:00.000+08:00

2dae is Crap Dae. as usual, adlin, me & elle went crappy. divya wanted to join in the fun but instead of being crappy, she bcame lame. haha. 2dae after skool, had tennis meeting. new captain: sarah. new vice-captain: indra. wanted indra to be the captain... oh well... but ne waez, it's not confirm yet coz they're under probation. & guess wat? samantha made susmita & me the new sec 1 rep. WHY ME?! i dunwan!!! to tell u the truth, i'm kinda scared bout it. hanis saed muz be proud bout it... wadeva lah. showed divya, afie & afie's fren the condom. susmita got it for her bdae prezzie. haha! we were playin wif it & started to bcome real sick & disgusting. especially me & afie. & i kept stretching it. haha! wanted to play a prank on divya & elle. but i spoilt it all. coz i laughed. i cant help it! den elle, weiting & divya went home. adlin & i decided to stay back awhile more. coz adlin wanna see her seniors. went up to the study corner den went down coz we saw ____. den at the foyer saw ah zhen. den went home. saw runi, suang & dat ml senior (4got her name). & all the while adlin was complainin dat it we straight away go home instead of studying at the study corner so dat she can see her seniors. she said it was wasted & she nids to wait for another week. so farni lah she... the wae she complain & stuff... i was luffin all the wae to the bus-stop. i started to bcome really crappy & lame. & adlin started luffin. crazeeeee lah! & i can tell dat runi, suang & dat senior were thinkin dat we were damn crazee coz we kept luffin on the bus too. well wat do u expect? it's Crap Dae! den in the mrt adlin saed dat runi sombong coz she neva sae hi. wen reached home, smsed runi bout it but neva mentioned adlin's name. she saed we were the ones hu's supposed to go over to her & salam her. den i asked so we're the one hu's at fault lah... den she dunwan to argue & i can tell she was quite angry & she started to bcome quite sarcastic. haiz... felt guilty. shudnt haf blamed her in the 1st place. so i apologised. den she apologised for not bein in a very gd mood... i understand lah... she has lots of things to do... so kesian... but i still feel guilty...haiz...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-07-15T22:50:00.000+08:00

sorri for not updating for such a long time. i'm either too bz or lazy...2dae had tennis training & as usual the sec 3 seniors were torturing us... haiz... dey expect us to do 100 jumping-jacks at 1 go... den after dat do squats. i hate squats! hu doesnt ne wae? den wen we wanted to go down we were havin difficulties climbin down the stairs. so painful man... n joleen fell... n we had to sprint again though our legs were really aching... n den we were told to luff for 1 min non-stop so that we can get abs. wad the hell lah... ne waez, i dun haf problems luffin coz wen rachna start that fake luff i start luffin. not fake one lah... den dat sec 3 senior (dunno wats her name) saed dat if we neva luff properly haf to sprint again. den evrybody so scared n started to luff loudly. haha. lame. den we haf to comb the area... & rachna pointed out a rainbow & a long cloud. she purposely saed long. & obviously i noe wat she meant & as usual i started to make evry1 feel sick & disgusted. haha! oh ya, recently i've bin obsessed wif ah zhen. 2 bad if u dunno hu the hell dat person is. ah zhen rox & is damn cool lor... 2moro is Crap Dae. YAY! oh shit! The OC is starting soon! gtg.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-07-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

The sweeet girl

Which girl stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha... kinda true!

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

idiotic dina

2004-07-05T12:33:00.000+08:00

i saw dina on 3rd july at the old parliament hse. of all the dayz y muz i see her on my bdae?! i hate her!!! luckily i didnt go to anderson sec skool. if not, i haf to see her for 4 yrs... she kept on lookin at me. i guess she recognised me. like duh! she's the one hu stole my opportunity to go to japan! damn her! n guess wat? her face appeared on tv. i dunno y they muz zoom in her face. if they think she's pretty, go n die! jannah, elle, tanisha & i appeared on tv too but sooooooooo small! cant even see my face properly! hello, i talked to Associate Professor Yaacob Ibrahim too ok? not onli you, dina! & for ur stupid info, he's my mum's fren! so it's not a big deal dat u toked to him. ne waez, i got higher than her for psle. she got onli 25sumting. i got 260 yay! so dina, u dun haf to think soooo highly of urself! n y muz u sit direcly opposite of me? u dun haf other better place to sit isit? n u dun hafta act cool coz in the first place you're not! haiz... i was kinda glad wen the gathering ended coz i dun hafta see dat freakin idiotic bitchy dina! so after the gathering, elle & i went to orchard to celebrate my bdae. coolio. took many neoprints. i was still at orchard at 3 sumting wen i realised i'll be havin tuition at 4:30pm. dammit. had to rush home. luckily i was in time. ms song gave me a nike bag for bdae! yay! elle forgot to bring my bdae prezzie which is a necklace so she's gonna give it to me on tues. more bdae prezzies cumin up on tues. haha looks like my bdae is neva gonna end. thx to the ppl hu remembered my bdae. hehe. damn! i juz realised dat i made the wrong bdae wish! i shud have wished dat i wont see dina ever again. or maebe, dun let dina steal ne of my opportunities again. haiz... now hafta wait for another year to make another bdae wish. i hope i dun hafta see dina ne nore. if i really haf to, den pls dun let me see her on my bdae. may u rot in hell dina. gosh, i'm mean but unfortunately, she deserves it...

*[she]'s [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

crazy

2004-07-02T18:05:00.000+08:00

tired. 2dae late for skool. 1st time in my whole entire life i was late for skool. all bcoz of the stupid 325 bus. waited for like 1/2h for it. reached skool at 7:32 am. sickening. 2dae for pe took height & weight. put on weight but didnt grow taller. dammit. eng n lit lesson veri boring. wanted to sleep. my whole mornin was like so sucky lor. den after skool, hafta wait for samantha coz we need to vote for the new captain, vice-captain, etc. den at last she came down. the bad news is, gladys had the voting paper wif her & she culdnt find gladys. so postpone to next tuesdae durin tennis trainin. stupid la! waste my time lor. ate lunch wif elle, adlin, yara & jannah. unfortunately, fadhilah was there. den the fun began! as usual yara & adlin were drivin us crazy. elle & i were luffin the whole time. after adlin & yara went to the toilet, we heard dis weird sound... dunno how to explain it... it's like a ghost makin dat type of sound, u noe... elle, jannah & i freaked out. haha. i noe u may think it's lame. as usual fadhilah was tryin to be brave. *rolls eyes* after yara & adlin came back, we told them about the sound we heard. they oso heard it in the toilet. & at 1st yara tawt adlin was makin dat sound & adlin tawt yara was makin it... den we were so puzzled bout the sound. yara & adlin said the sound was quite loud from the toilet. so we went to check it out & freaked ouselves out. haha. den yara, adlin, elle, fadhilah & i went back to our class to take our things. fad stayed back coz she didnt want to go home. so yara, adlin elle & i planned to play a prank on her. so farni man! we cudnt help luffin. we wanted to scare fad since she "so brave". the whole thing was kinda ruined coz she saw yara. den we decided to play the same trick on dis girl in 1C dunno wats her name lah. dun even noe her. she freaked out! hardy haha! den on the way to the bus stop we went craaaaazzyyyyyyy!!! & yara ripped off elle's skool bag's zip! & we tried to put it back wif superglue! damn lame ah... dats all for the crazy afternoon. oh ya, thx nicole for the lovely bdae prezzie! 2moro's my bade. i'm 80% happy bout it & 20% unhappy. dun ask y i'm unhappy. shit lah! mother scolding. BLEAH. i'm deaf. i'm not listenin...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-28T20:17:00.000+08:00

woooohooooo! skool re-open liaoz! so happy... get to meet my lovely frenz again. got 2 new gals in my class. 1 of them is very grumpy while the other one kip on smiling non-stop... weirdos! haha me sho baaaaddd! 1st dae wasnt dat bad after all... no more ms wong! yay!!! so now our science teacher is mrs grace choo. she not bad lah... history teacher ms lizah! coolio. maths still the same... dat ah kok guy... eng, mrs ong... music, ms chye... oh ya, chinese oso change teacher... dat boring new damn teacher, mr chan. hate him man. nearly fell asleep durin chinese lesson. i still prefer mrs tan-han ai ling. for 2 whole damn hours we onli covered 2 pages of the new chapter! if mrs tan teach us ah... surely cover the whole chapter lor! oh ya, so this new semester, i'll be doin higher malay. i switched liaoz! weeeeee! 5 more dayz! 5 more dayz to my bdae & the gathering thingy at the old parlaiment house! cant wait! ppl rememba to gimme prezzie ok? ;)

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-26T12:21:00.000+08:00

2dae nothin exciting happened. ok so let's talk bout yesterdae.

Yesterdae

weeeeee. went to wild wild wet wif mum, aunty, syafiq, nikki(nicole samuel) & mum's two students, desmond & shirlyn. the minute we reached there, nikki & i cant wait to get into the water. nikki, shirlyn & i accompanied syafiq & desmond awhile at the Proffesor's Playground. Den we headed for the Lazy River. after syafiq sat on the tube aredy & we went 1 round, syafiq & desmond wanted to go back to the playground. so it's juz nikki, shirlyn & me. so relaxing man! i was juz lying on top on the tube while shirlyn & nikki pushed the tube... den we tried the Waterworks too bad syafiq cant coz he's too short. den the lifeguard saes nikki oso cant coz she's wearing a shirt. wats his prob, man? its juz a shirt for goodness sake! so nikki & syafiq waited for us at the bottom. i didnt dare try the Ular-Lah. so we went to the playground again. nikki & i started to get bored... so went to the river thingy again... we went for so many rounds... this time no tube. den we saw sum hot guys! omg! they r sooooooo cute! nikki wanted to ask for their number but i stopped her... i mean wait they think we sooooo despo. nikki was like tryin to make eye contacts wif them... gosh she so daring... okok fine i admit. i did look at them but not like nikki! after dat they(the hot guys) went to the playground thingy... so nikki dragged me there too. gosh we were really enjoying ourselves at the playground not bcoz of the slides & everything but bcoz of them! haha. & den, dammit! we lost them. :'( so we juz sat below the giant bucket waiting to get more wet. shirlyn went up to us sayin dat desmond is lost. wat the heck lah! he's alwaez askin for trouble. den we hafta look for him. waste time only. at last we found him... & by the time syafiq wants to go to the toilet & we nid to go home liao. wen we were going home, nikki & i realized dat we forget to try The Sidewinder. dammit! we reached about 3:30pm. at 4:30pm, mum, aunty, syafiq & i went to orchard. we bought mum's bdae prezzie coz it's her bdae. she wanted a handbag. aunty wanted to buy me clothings for my bdae. i cudnt find ne thing i like at robinson's so we went to mango. damn crowded man coz they're havin a 50% discount. in the end, we didnt buy ne thing from mango coz it's crowded & syafiq was whinning coz he's hungry. went to pizza hut for dinner. den go home. reached home at 8:45pm. dad was grumbling coz he's hungry & we reached home late. haha. dats juz too bad for him. ok dats it folks. tata. may you fuck in peace.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-22T12:27:00.000+08:00

dammit. todae is the linkin park's concert at The Padang & i cant go! i wanna go!!! i wanna meet my dearest joseph hahn! & chester & mike! waaaaaahhhh!!! :'( it's soooooooo unfair.... y cant i go?! all bcoz of my parents... dont they realised dat i'm one of their biggest fan?! i wanna cry liao. ok i better stop talkin bout it if not i'm really gonna cry. change subject. oh ya, tanisha called todae n guess wat? her mum gave birth liao! yesterdae, 2pm @ KK, a girl. tanisha was soooooo excited & whenever she's excited i'll oso be excited. haha. n i kept sayin "& den? & den? & den?" n she kept on squealing & tellin me how cute & small her lil sis is. todae she's goin to the hospital & gonna take photos of her cute lil baby sis. she's askin me to go to her hse when her mum & baby sis return home. cant wait to squeeze the baby! haha juz kidding! ok tata. fuck all.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-20T12:32:00.000+08:00

she hates life. her life is miserable. her life sux to the core. she cant take it ne more. it's too painful for her to go on wif life. every nite she cries silently, wishing the pain would go away. y are dey doin dis to her? y do dey hate her so badly? is she their real daughter or wat? she wants to escape from dis reality but she cant. she wants to get out of dis hell. she dreams dat 1 day everything will be fine. dreams. she hates dreams. they are all nothing but freakin lies. but she had no choice. she dreams coz she wants to be happy. she cant be happy in reality. the smile that u see painted on her is fake. she hates fake smiles but do u think she has a choice? she cant hold on. it's all too much for her to take in. she's tired of being wat they want her to be. she wants herself back. she wants to run away, never say goodbye. she wants to noe the truth instead of wondering why. she wants to noe the answers, no more lies. run away. yes, run away. it's easier to run, replacing this pain with sumthing numb. it's so much easier to go than face all this pain here all by herself. alone. but where can she run to? nowhere. she has nowhere to go. she's trapped inside the cage. she wants to end her painful life. she longs for freedom, happiness & love. but will she ever get them? NEVER.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-18T15:07:00.000+08:00

didnt go out wif kristle. she said it's her mum's bdae todae. wadeva lah. sorry i didnt update yesterdae coz yesterdae was like hell. a riot happened at home. ok will not elaborate. u dun wanna noe. wanted to go to elyana's hse todae but she'll haf religious class later on dis afternoon so maebe i'll go over to her place on mondae. toked to elyana on the phone like about 1h30min in the morning. den elle(elyana) & i went online & chat. i noe i noe... the both of us are very talkative. elle's parents gave her hp for her bdae. yay! so now we can sms each other. haha. cant wait for skool to re-open. i wanna meet my lovely frens! cant stand stayin at home. okok enuff of my complaints. listenin to "Explosive" by Bond. in case u're wondering hu the hell is Bond, let me tell u. no it's not James Bond. it's a string quartet. they've got a new album. wanna buy but need to save up coz next week i'll be usin lots of $$$. dun ask y. gosh... suddenly feel so sick...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-16T14:19:00.000+08:00

ahhhh so depressing. once again i'm stuck at home... wat do u expect? supposed to go out wif kristle & weishan but in the end kristle said she got sumting on suddenly so its postoned to fridae... she asked me to bring along one of my frens frm cedar... hmmm hu shud i ask to follow me?? i still havnt finished doin my hw. if mum noes.... die liao haha. haiz... yesterdae nicole cudnt cum soooo saaaddd... she's grounded. oh well... gosh! i put on 3.5 kg!! i'm gettin faaaaaaaaattttt!! help! mum saes i'm still damn thin. wad-e-va! must go on a diet. diet diet diet. yea ne waez, eastina is back frm thailand!! yay!! missed her... hope she bought souvenir 4 me heehee... whoa! sooo mofo hot man!! how m i supposed to do hw in this damn nauseating environment? i waaaannntttt air-con!! waaaaaahhhh!!! so bad lor... mum dun let me haf air-con... :( haiz... juz hafta bear wif it lor... my hp's silent & i'm depressed. YAY. can sum1 plssss sms me or call me?? i'm soooo god damn bored oh ya, i need help wif my damn lit hw. can sumbody ne body help me? ok lah i'm going now. tata.

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-14T15:54:00.000+08:00

2dae very lazy to update but sum ppl forced me too... haha. k ne waez, nothin much happened 2dae. basically 2dae very boring. stuck at home doin hw...hw...hw... argh!! damn bloody teachers! oops sorry... hehe. tomoro maebe nicole's cumin over to my place. she not sure yet lah... but i hope can. den my dae wont be soooo boring. oh ya! tomoro's elyana's bdae. gif her prezzie liao. hmmm maebe i'll send her an e-card...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-10T18:12:00.000+08:00

i'm soooo happy!! i'm soooooo happy! happy! happy! happy! yay!!! i received a letter 2dae by MENDAKI. i'm invited to go to the gathering which is organized by them. i'm invited coz of my PSLE results. yay! it'll be held at The Old Parliament house! & guess wat?? the gathering is on my BIRTHDAY!! yup, 3rd of july!! cant wait for it! this year my bdae will be a special one!

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-08T19:22:00.000+08:00

todae was so fun! went to watch hp3 at lido wif elyana & chloe. elyana was the 1st one to reach the mrt station. believe me, elyana looked sexy in her outfit! haha. den we went to hang out at wisma atria coz chloe wud onli be able to meet us at 12 sumting... luckily i didnt forget to gif elyana the earrings which i bought for her as a bdae prezzie. she quickly went to find a toilet to put them on. we went to heeren after dat n took neoprints n hang out. chloe was damn late lor... until elyana was worried sick. at last chloe reached heeren! & it was 12.50 at dat time. we quikly rushed out to find lido coz the movie starts at 1.15pm. we walked & walked & walked but cudnt find lido... haiz... so i suggested elyana to call her mum for directions. unfortunately, elyana's mum gave me confusing directions :S we continued walking wifout listenin to elyana's mum's directions & at last we found lido! chloe was sweating like mad!! haha. after much arguing,we bought popcorn & pepsi & cheesy hotdog for elyana. luckily we weren't late for the movie. whoa! damn cold man... i was freezing in the cinema. the movie was damn cool man! so after the movie, we went to paragon coz we need to use the toilet. i noe it's lame. hehe! den we went to far east plaza & ate at long john silver's. i wasnt really dat hungry so i shared wif chloe. den we hang out there. we bumped into this mldds senior. at 1st i didnt noe dat she's our senior until elyana told me. i bought new earrings from 77th Street. chloe wanted to take neoprint so badly. so we went to this neoprint place. but i wasnt in the mood of taking photos. den elyana & chloe wanted to use dat particular machine so we hafta wait for our turn... haiz... hafta wait veri long coz dat stoooopid damn girl hu's takin photo at that time keep on putting on make-up. den i realized i was damn late aredy. i was irritated & pissed wif all dat waiting & in the 1st place i aredy not in the mood to take photos so i gave all the coins to elyana, said bye & rushed off. elyana wanted to walk me to the mrt station but i said no need. i reached home about 6.15pm... supposed to be home by 5.30pm... but fortunately mum wasnt back yet so didnt get scolding... phew...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

2004-06-06T20:12:00.000+08:00

yay! so happy. todae went shopping at parkway parade wif mum. mum bought a new wallet at Isetan. she oso wanted to buy a handbag but cant decide which one to buy. she said she'll buy it sum other dae. den i went to this chocolate shop & bought 3 strawberries dipped in chocolate. deeee-liciousssssss!!! mum & i wanted to buy shoes. went to so many shops but cudnt find wat we wanted. in the end we were so hungry & ate at Banquet. i ordered grilled chicken steak while mum ordered chicken cutlet. after eating, we went to esprit. while mum was lookin at the handbags, i was trying on the different colours of lip gloss. mum bought four of them for me. yay! after dat, we went to look for shoes... again... in the end, she found wat she wanted but i didnt. it doesnt matter. den we went to collect our free water bottles at the info. counter coz we spent more den 50 bucks. i wanted the blue one but i got the black & yellow ones. nvm lah... hmm maebe i 'll gif the yellow one to syafiq... supposed to haf dinner now but too full aredy.mum & dad oso full. so now the whole family is not eating dinner...

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

::tired::

2004-06-05T22:06:00.000+08:00

juz came back from aunt's place. went there to visit my grandparents. after tuition i quickly get changed. mum bought ice cream cake from swensen's. black forest! yum yum!while we were eating it, syafiq was havin fun playing wif the dried ice. he was damn amazed wif the smoke. *rolls eyes* after eating, syafiq made me play wif him wif his hot wheels stuff. boooo-rrriiinnnggg! oh well juz hafta bare wif it. after all he's my cute lil kuzzie. den syafiq, mum, aunty & i went down to haf a stroll in the nearby the park. after awhile we went to buy food for dinner. after having dinner, my uncle showed me his new phone. nokia. dunno wat model. it's sooo cool man! has internet & all dat stuff. i wish my mum wud let me change my hp. i want dat new nokia 7610. the one wif the weird shape & has mp3. i sooooo badly want it!!! haiz... juz hafta kip on dreamin bout having it... :(

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*

at last i've created a blog

2004-06-04T16:36:00.000+08:00

ok now i've created a blog... i now its ugly coz i'm not very gd at it. will try to improve... 2dae nothin interesting happen. stayed at home... booooooo-rrriiinnnggg... wanna go out. ne waez, cant wait for tues! gonna watch harry potter wif elyana & chloe at lido. i'm so pissed wif sum1. actually not onli me. Elyana & me. go to hell lah she! treat us like piece of shit... ok lah need to continue wif my bloody holidae hw

*[sh]e's [lo[st i]ns]i[de*